changes...

So its been awhile since my last post... and this one i just wanna talk about big changes in my life.

So during the year it really didnt feel like much was happening, nothing has really changed...but looking back and seeing the NOW... tons of things have changed!... some things i wont mention because its a lil redundant and not very important except for the fact that i have quit smoking AGAIN!... WADDUP!!!! haha... but i will talk about the important and most special changes in my life. The first one is me forgiving my mother with what had happened when my parents first split up. Not going into any details but me and my mom had a pretty close relationship while i was growing up. she was a stay at home mom and always drove me to hockey practice and birthday parties etc. So when the divorce happened and after witnessing a couple events i felt betrayed by the one person whom i loved the most in the world... needless to say i never forgave her even after 10years! i still had this hatred buried deep down inside of me...but what made me want to forgive her is when i developed my relationship with God. He told me i had to purify my heart and forgive her as he forgives us for our sins. Family is suppose to have this unconditional love... and God leads by example so i felt very obligated to follow in his footsteps. I actually havnt talked to anyone about this personally nor have i told my mom the way i felt... but i prayed about it and i do forgive her. So now with that burden off my shoulders and that hole now filled in my heart i am able to continue on my journey to learning more about God and his plan for me. Which brings me to my next point... so a friend has given me a book called "The Purpose Driven Life" and its suppose to take you on a 40 day journey and in the end you will have learned about what Gods plan is for you and why you are here on this earth. There are 40 chapters and you are to read 1 chapter a day. So i read the first chapter today and the very FIRST sentence it says is "it's not about you." And it talks about how everyone lives their life to the worlds standard which blinds them from the true purpose of life which is Gods purpose. We who live by the worlds standard are consumed by the fact that inorder to be successful we have to find the best paying job, make lots of money, succeed in our careers etc etc... but God says no, thats not all there is to life.

So with that being said, a few discrepencies come to my mind. I understand that focusing on yourself is not the only thing in life but what if thats part of your characteristics. You are a motivated and self-driven person. Why is the fact that you want to be a successful business person or which ever career you chose such a bad thing? I mean is there balance between having and wanting both? and then a point in the book caught my attention and it said... "You may choose your career, your spouse, your hobbies and many other parts of your life, but you dont get to choose your purpose" so then my question was answered... you can find a balance between... you can be all you want to be... but you CANNOT let that be the ONLY purpose in your life, you must also find the will deep inside you to give your undivided attention to God and show him you are committed and you do have a passion to learn... inorder to find Gods purpose you must develop that realtionship...and i believe i have already taken the first step.

So also at the end of every chapter they give you 3 things to think about for the day until you read the next chapter... These 3 things are:

1) Point to Ponder: It's not about me
2) Verse to Remember: "Everything got started in him and finds its purpose in him." Colossians 1:16b
3) Question to Consider: In spite of all the advertising around me how can i remind myself that life is really about living for God, not myself?

well theres something for you guys to think about... until then

later days

have Faith, Trust & Hope... but how?

So today i had dinner with a ddhong seng of mineee... and it was good to see her cuz she a little ball of awesomeness. But back to the topic at hand... Remember how i said i was new to this whole christianity thing well i was talking to my ds about how do I as a new christian talk to God or even have a talk about God. I've been thinking about it ALOT since this issue was raised a couple nights ago. How do i; someone who doesnt know... talk about something that he knows nothing about. And my ds came from a very christian background and she simply said what do i want to know.. what questions come up to my mind when i wonder about God and his work. And the reason why this was so hard for is because....when this issue was raised it was like a first year economics major(me) talking about Canadas current economy with an actual economist(the questioner) it was not only a little intimidating but kinda overwhelming... i sat there just thinking in my head what do i talk about what do i say...and in the end i said nothing because thats all i had. Until today where i didnt feel so pressured... i asked my ds... How do i as a person who wants to put all his faith in God know that i am actually doing that? I mean i want to have complete faith in him because i know he with bless me with something great... but how do i KNOW im actually doing that? and thats what i dont understand... how does one measure there ability to know that they are fully sitting in that chair putting all their weight on it as Rev. Jackson so simply put it. I know for a fact i wont be able to cut out my friends or my work because i need a social life and i need to pay the bills... but those are things that are impeding me from fully sitting in that chair... or am i wrong? is there another way of knowing that you have complete faith.. or is it just something you know? that you dont even have to question? I just hope its something i'll be able to do....

and this leads me to my next point!

as a new christian i haven't really spent much time reading the bible and im oblivious to all the lessons it teaches about how to have faith, or how to calm ones soul or how to be a wise man... and without knowing these steps i feel as if i can see but i cant touch... im on the other side of the street watching but i cant cross... i guess i have to take the time to open up the bible and see for myself the lessons that are taught and how i can implement them into my life.

until next time!

later days

in pursuit of happyness...

so i realized something today... something that i don't fully understand but have no choice but to accept.

When i was just a kid i loved to go outside and see my friends from the neighborhood and we'd ride our bikes around the block racing each other, we'd grab a basketball and shoot some hoops, we'd play street hockey until the street lights were the only thing helping us see the ball. I did those things because ultimately it made me happy. Even till this day, each and everyday i wake up and i look for things to do that would just simply make me happy. I couldn't see myself as a kid locking myself in my room and not seeing my friends or not watching my favorite tv shows; forcing myself to not be part of something that made me happy.

As selfish as it may seem but in the end when each of us wake up we subconsciously do things that will bring joy in to our lives, make us laugh and once again that just simply makes us happy. I know under certain circumstances sacrifices must be made, like for the single parent who works 2 jobs or the pressured student who will hit the books on the weekends to ensure that they are on top of things. But deep down inside they know in the end it will bring them true happiness... although it may be a long term invest for when the single parent see their kid go off to college or when the student gets straight A's in all their courses. That was their 'pursuit for happyness'.

and what i realized was my way of thinking may be a little more present than others, my pursuit requires a more short term investment rather than a long term investment. and the trouble i have with this is that i think in certain situations in life why wait for something that might make you happy when something right there in front of you will make you happy. Why force yourself not to enjoy the moment, why force yourself to bury the feelings that you know can and will make you happy? why lock yourself in your room? I truly believe that if you are happy, then God has blessed your soul and looks down upon you with a smile because that is what he truly wants for us. To live the life he has given us and make the most out of it. And to be blessed by God means you couldnt be closer to him than you already are.

...but like i said my pursuit of happyness is a little more short termed than others... while others look far ahead and can predict that there pursuit of happyness is in the longrun..not in the present.

anyways dont know if that made sense to any of you... it just something that was bothering me and i had to get it out some how... so i blogged about it.... until next time!

later days

a more positive note...

so i dont know what your suppose to put in blogs i know people post things about actual issues that are going on in the world or they reflect on books and etc... but whatever im just gonna write about stuff thats going on in my life haha

so my last post was pretty superficial and kinda depressing which made my life seem worse than it really is... im glad to say there have been alot of positive changes also in my life. For one i purchased my first car which is a 2008 honda civic si, i actually took over my cousins lease but none the less it is MY own car and i am very proud to say it cuz i was able to accomplish this on my own. Also after 3 awesome years at Seneca College i graduated with honors from the marketing program and also decided to do the joint program with York U for another 2 years which will earn me my bachelors degree. And i also completed my primary leadership qualifications course this summer with the army which got me promoted to a Master Bombardier. I guess it was about time i did it cuz ive been in for 5 years now. Oh and the biggest change i made in my life happened 5 1/2 weeks ago when i decided to go to church!... best decision ever. The real reason why i actually started to go to church is kinda weird ... i was watching this movie "Yes Man" with Jim Carey... and in the movie he lives this dull life where he says No to everything. In a nut shell hes very unhappy and pretty much stuck in this rut. So then he goes to this Yes Man seminar and it changes his life. By saying yes to everything, the events that occur all build off eachother and it takes him on a journey that turned this one pessimistic man into the exact opposite. So that is why i decided to go to church. I decided to just say YES to it.. and im glad i did. I met ALOT of new people and made ALOT of new friends which i am grateful for cuz u can never have to many. Im learning more about God and about having faith in him so he can guide me and help me live a more meaningful life. Those who know me well, i as shocked as you cuz i never thought id think this way but i do... and ive never been more at peace with myself. Although i still may have a few underlying issues..who doesnt?! so im gonna continue with this for along time i guess cuz its not something you just DO but it becomes part of your life style.

these are the positive changes in my life and i just felt like sharing them... and once again this blog was all about me haha...maybe one day i'll have something real meaningful to write about but until then...

later days

a little skeptical....

soo i am definitely new to this whole blogging thing... i know its been around for awhile now, but never did i have the urge to start one until recently. I dont know what triggered this urge but i do know lately there have been alot of issues that have been kinda bothering me....anddd i think this may help? and also i think itd be good to have something to do when im either 1)procrastinating from studying and 2) when im bored out of my mind.





so for starters i want to rant about myself and my uncontrollable laziness i've been fighting since i got back from the army this summer. I told myself id finish up all the loose ends of my e-business i want to start but i for some reason can't just sit down open up the files and do my research or create the different workouts and nutrition plans i need to actually have content to put up on my website... but there have been external factors that have definitely affected my ability to do such tasks. For instance i just moved and during this move my dad has had alot of financial problems with unexpected expenses that came up and the money i was saving to invest into my business went to my dad to help him pay for those expenses. Close to $4000 which is what i wanted to invest but now i have to start those savings up all over again. The reallllll shitty part is im a student and the only time i work fulltime is in the summer so saving up that kind of money is almost impossible when you work parttime and go to school fulltime. So those plans are ONCE again going to be delayed until next summer and hopefully i can have a steady income throughout the year so i can atleast save up some money and have a head start... because i also plan on going to korea in the summer of 2010. We shall see how that pans out, because i am really passionate about this business i want to create and i know it will do big things for me in the future. Also there has been several family affairs going on within my family that i hope are resolved... One is with my father, he seems to be in a rut because of the recession and i really hope he gets out of it because lately whenever i see him we ALWAYS argue about something and anything. I dont want our relationship to be this way because he has sacraficed alot for me and i look up to him with the utmost respect but when he expresses all this negative emotions towards me i cant help but reciprocate them back to him. I try to bite my tougne sometimes but other times i cant help it. So i pray that something positive changes in his work life to help ease the stress off of him. Also within my family as in my aunts and uncles have been arguing aswell. My aunt who always hosts christmas dinner decided she did not want to host it this year simply because she is not getting along with the other aunts and uncles and usually my family is VERY close knit and to hear about this came to a BIG surprise. I find it unfortunate that its come so far that she decided to break tradition but there are all grown adults and im sure and i really do hope they reconcile there differences and realize that they are family and whatever differences they may have should not let it divide the family in half. Another thing that is bothering me is my inability to go out and market myself for my personal training business. I keep coming up with lame excuses like oh im moving so i'll do it after or simply because im just unmotivated. I created the flyers, i paid for them and all i need to do is just give them out to respective businesses that target the same market as i am trying to aquire. BUT i have decided today that i will do all that tomorrow after my 8am class. After this blog i should definitely find a list of different businesses that i can drive around to and see which ones will help me promote my small business.

ALSO!!! i cant get off my ass and go hit the GYM! its been ahwile since i hit the gym and i miss it sooooo much but for some reason when the time comes i just dont move. I tell myself everyday ok tomorrow you're gonna hit the gym and get back into shape... but nooooo everyday is the same. Hopefully when next monday comes i will go hit the gym... i'll let you know if i do or not because its so very important to me to stay in shape but this laziness is like some sort of disease that has infected my body and i will destory it, i MUST destroy it before it destroys me!



well anyways i think i've complained enough.... i feel alot better actualy... maybe this wont be the first and last blog i enter.. we shall see... until next time people


later days